Chocolate Chip Cookie Chocolate Lasagna

Valentine's Day is approaching and I have complicated feelings about it, which is what single divorced women are contractually obligated to say about Valentine's Day. The truth is simpler: I do not care. Not in a bitter way — the bitterness about Mark burned out years ago and what replaced it is an indifference so complete it surprises even me. I simply do not think about romantic love the way I used to. I think about the bakery. I think about my children. I think about whether the bechamel has enough nutmeg. These are the loves that sustain me now, and they are less exciting than a Valentine's dinner but considerably more reliable.

Sophia made valentines for her friends at school, which involved glitter and a kitchen table that now sparkles under certain lighting and will continue sparkling until approximately 2045. She is navigating the social world of eighth grade with increasing confidence — she has her group, her interests, her science club, her opinions about everything. She is becoming herself, and the self she is becoming is loud, smart, and entirely unimpressed by boys, which I find both admirable and suspect, because I was entirely unimpressed by boys at her age too, and then I married Mark Sullivan, so unimpressed can change quickly.

Alexander is focused on the PSAT results, which arrive this month. He studies the score report the way Mama studies a new batch of phyllo — with intense scrutiny and the conviction that perfection was just barely missed. He scored well. Not perfect. Well. He is satisfied the way Papadopouloses are satisfied, which is to say he is already planning how to do better next time.

I made galaktoboureko for Sunday dinner because Mama mentioned she had been craving it. Custard pie in phyllo, drenched in lemon syrup — Baba's favorite dessert, the one he loved more than baklava, which was the most controversial food opinion in our family. I made it and brought it to Tarpon Springs and set it on the table and Mama took one bite and closed her eyes and I knew she was not tasting custard. She was tasting memory. She was tasting forty years of Sunday desserts and the man who ate them.

I am not lonely. I want to be clear about this because the world assumes single women over forty are lonely, and I am not lonely, I am alone, and alone and lonely are different words that mean different things. Alone is a kitchen at 6 AM, coffee, silence, the newspaper. Alone is choosing what to cook without negotiation. Alone is freedom earned through loss. Lonely is wanting someone to share the silence with. I am not there yet. Maybe someday. For now, the silence is mine, and I have filled it with enough olive oil and enough avgolemono and enough Sunday dinners to keep it warm.

Galaktoboureko is the recipe I made, but it is not the recipe I can give you — it belongs to Mama’s kitchen in a way I’m still working to earn. What I can offer is this: another layered dessert, one built with care and patience, one that rewards the people sitting around your table. This Chocolate Chip Cookie Chocolate Lasagna is nothing like phyllo and custard, but it shares the same spirit — layers of sweetness assembled by someone who wanted to make the people she loves close their eyes and be somewhere safe for a moment.

Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 4 hours 20 minutes (includes chilling) | Servings: 12

Ingredients

1 package (about 36) chocolate chip cookies, crushed
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons cold milk
1 container (8 oz) whipped topping, divided
2 packages (3.9 oz each) instant chocolate pudding mix
3 1/4 cups cold milk (for pudding)
1 1/2 cups mini chocolate chips, divided
1/2 cup chocolate cookie crumbles, for topping

Instructions

Make the crust. Combine crushed chocolate chip cookies with melted butter in a bowl and stir until evenly moistened. Press firmly into the bottom of a 9x13-inch baking dish to form an even layer. Place in the refrigerator to set while you prepare the remaining layers.
Prepare the cream cheese layer. Beat softened cream cheese with granulated sugar and 2 tablespoons of milk until smooth and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Fold in half of the whipped topping until fully incorporated. Spread evenly over the chilled cookie crust. Scatter 3/4 cup of the mini chocolate chips over the top.
Make the chocolate pudding layer. Whisk together both packages of instant chocolate pudding mix with 3 1/4 cups cold milk for about 2 minutes, until the pudding begins to thicken. Pour and spread evenly over the cream cheese layer before it fully sets.
Add the whipped topping. Spread the remaining whipped topping in an even layer over the pudding. Smooth it gently so it reaches the edges of the dish.
Finish and chill. Sprinkle the remaining 3/4 cup of mini chocolate chips and the cookie crumbles evenly over the top. Cover loosely and refrigerate for at least 4 hours, or overnight, until fully set and the layers are firm.
Serve. Slice into squares with a sharp knife, wiping the blade between cuts for clean layers. Serve cold directly from the refrigerator.

Nutrition (per serving)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Chocolate Lasagna — The Dessert That Holds a Memory