Chicken Tomato Soup -- The Bowl That Asked Me to Stir, Not to Feel

The weeks after the Jennifer incident — I call it that in my journal, "the Jennifer incident," as if naming it clinically can reduce its power — were hard. Hard in the specific way that Alzheimer's is hard: not dramatically, not cinematically, but in the daily, grinding, relentless way of water wearing stone. Each day a small loss. Each loss invisible to the casual observer. Each invisible loss devastating to the woman standing beside the stone, watching it erode.

Marvin's world has contracted further. He recognizes me — still, always, he recognizes me, and this recognition is the last thing I will surrender, the one thing I am holding with both hands — and he recognizes David, mostly, and the grandchildren as a category (small people who belong in the house) if not as individuals. Rebecca he sometimes knows and sometimes doesn't, which breaks Rebecca in a way she does not show, because Rebecca is a Feldman woman and Feldman women break privately, at the sink, with the water running.

I made comfort food all week. Matzo ball soup twice. Kugel once. Brisket once. The cooking was compulsive and necessary, the way breathing is compulsive and necessary, and I recognize that I am using food as a coping mechanism in a way that a therapist would probably want to discuss, but I am not seeing a therapist, I am making soup, and the soup is working better than any therapist could, because the soup does not ask me how I feel. The soup asks me to stir.

I went back to in-person school preparations. Next September will be in the classroom again — real desks, real students, real air. The thought fills me with a relief so powerful it is almost physical, a loosening in my chest that I have not felt in eighteen months. The classroom is where I am not a caregiver. The classroom is where I am competent and in charge and the only disease I need to manage is the disease of apathy, which is treatable with good books and persistent questioning.

I wrote a blog post about comfort food — a list, actually. My top ten comfort foods, ranked by how well they absorb grief. Chicken soup was first. Brisket was second. Challah was third. The list went viral, relatively speaking — it was shared widely, reposted, and I received more comments than any previous post. Apparently the entire internet needs comfort food. Apparently I am not the only woman standing at a stove trying to cook the sadness into something that tastes better than it feels.

Of all the soups I made that week — and I made more than I care to admit — it was the chicken tomato soup I kept returning to, because it was the one that required the most stirring and the least thinking. Matzo ball soup demands attention, brisket demands patience, but this soup asks only that you show up and keep moving the spoon, which is exactly the amount I had left to give. I’m sharing it here because the comments on that comfort food post told me I’m not alone, and if anyone else is standing at a stove right now trying to cook sadness into something bearable, this is the recipe I’d hand them first.

Chicken Tomato Soup

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 35 min | Total Time: 50 min | Servings: 6

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts or thighs
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 medium carrots, peeled and sliced
• 2 stalks celery, sliced
• 1 can (28 oz) crushed tomatoes
• 1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes
• 4 cups low-sodium chicken broth
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• Salt and black pepper to taste
• Fresh parsley, chopped, for serving

Instructions

1. Sear the chicken. Heat olive oil in a large pot or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Add to the pot and cook 3–4 minutes per side until lightly golden. Remove and set aside; the chicken does not need to be fully cooked through at this stage.
2. Soften the aromatics. Reduce heat to medium. Add the onion, carrots, and celery to the same pot. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 5–6 minutes until the onion is translucent and the vegetables begin to soften. Add the garlic and cook 1 minute more, stirring constantly so it doesn’t burn.
3. Build the base. Pour in the crushed tomatoes, diced tomatoes, and chicken broth. Stir in the basil, oregano, and smoked paprika. Bring the mixture to a gentle boil.
4. Return the chicken. Nestle the seared chicken pieces back into the pot. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 20 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and very tender.
5. Shred and finish. Remove the chicken pieces and shred with two forks. Return the shredded chicken to the pot and stir to combine. Taste and adjust salt and pepper as needed. Let simmer uncovered for 5 more minutes to thicken slightly.
6. Serve. Ladle into bowls and top with fresh chopped parsley. Serve with crusty bread or crackers if desired.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 230 | Protein: 28g | Fat: 7g | Carbs: 14g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 520mg