By The Dr. Crain conversation about quarterly sessions happened Thursday. She agreed that the work is in a maintenance phase and that quarterly would be appropriate if I was managing well. She said: I want to name what you've done. Five years of this work — the sobriety, the therapy, the grief process, all of it — is significant. Most people don't complete it. You did.
I said I wasn't sure it was complete. She said: The acute work is complete. The rest is living well, which you already know how to do. We scheduled quarterly sessions, the first one in April, and I drove home on the highway with the mountains visible in both directions and thought about what she said. The acute work is complete. I've been doing this for five years and the acute work is complete.
I'm thirty-seven. I have the ranch and the work and the writing and the people. The thing I said I wanted — a relationship where someone knew all of it and was present anyway — is still what I want. I'm in better shape to have it than I've ever been. I don't know when it arrives. I'm going to keep doing what I do and pay attention and trust that the sensing I've been doing since 2021 is accurate sensing. Something is coming. I still can't name it. That's all right.
Valentine's Day next week. I'll make dinner for Mom and Dad again. The lamb chops, the beets. The dinner that says I'm here and I love you both and this is what I can do with that, which is put food on the table. It's always been enough. It's more than enough.
Made cacio e pepe Sunday — three ingredients, unforgiving, completely correct. Sometimes the right food is the food with nowhere to hide.
There’s a version of cooking that asks you to be present and nothing else — no tricks, no shortcuts, just attention and honesty. That’s what I was reaching for the night after I drove home from Dr. Crain’s office with the mountains in both directions and her words still in the cab of the truck. The acute work is complete. I didn’t want anything complicated. I wanted something that told the truth the way cacio e pepe does, the way the lamb chops for Mom and Dad do — food with nowhere to hide. Browned butter mashed potatoes are that: three or four ingredients, and every one of them matters.
Browned Butter Mashed Potatoes
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 25 min | Total Time: 40 min | Servings: 4
Ingredients
- 2 lbs Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch chunks
- 6 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1/2 cup whole milk or heavy cream, warmed
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for boiling water
- 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
- Fresh chives or thyme, for garnish (optional)
Instructions
- Boil the potatoes. Place potato chunks in a large pot and cover with cold salted water. Bring to a boil over high heat, then reduce to a steady simmer. Cook until completely tender when pierced with a fork, about 18–20 minutes. Drain well and return to the pot.
- Brown the butter. While the potatoes drain, melt butter in a small light-colored saucepan over medium heat. Swirl the pan occasionally. Continue cooking until the foam subsides and the milk solids turn golden brown and smell nutty, about 4–5 minutes. Remove from heat immediately and set aside.
- Dry the potatoes. Return the drained potatoes to the pot over low heat for 1–2 minutes, shaking the pot gently, to evaporate any remaining moisture. This ensures a fluffy, not watery, mash.
- Mash and combine. Remove the pot from heat. Mash the potatoes with a potato masher or pass them through a ricer for a smoother texture. Pour in the warm milk and most of the browned butter, reserving about 1 tablespoon for serving. Stir gently until just combined — do not overmix.
- Season and serve. Taste and adjust with salt and pepper. Transfer to a serving bowl, drizzle with the reserved browned butter, and garnish with fresh chives or thyme if using. Serve immediately.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 310 | Protein: 4g | Fat: 18g | Carbs: 35g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 380mg