Broccoli Soufflé

August 25th. First day of the Concordia program. I sat at the kitchen table at 9 PM after the twins were down and Ryan was on shift and opened my laptop to the course portal for Foundations of Special Education and started reading. The first module: history and philosophy of special education in the United States, the legal framework, the development of IDEA. I read for two hours. I have known pieces of this from practice, from IEP meetings, from Darius's case, but the framework is new and I can feel myself reorganizing around it, the way you reorganize a kitchen when you understand the logic better.

The school year also started on August 25th, my fourth grade class, twenty new students who I have been preparing for since June. The student I have been thinking about — his name is Jordan — came in on the first day and sat in the back and watched the room for forty-five minutes before he participated in anything, which I recognized, which I noted, which I did not rush. He is doing exactly what he needs to do. I will let him do it and be there when he is ready to come forward.

Two courses and a classroom and two toddlers and a husband who is now Lieutenant Szymanski at Engine 12. This is September. I made a list on Sunday night of every commitment in the week and looked at it and thought: this is possible. This is tightly possible. I have done tightly possible before. I am good at it.

September 14th is in three weeks. I have already bought sunflowers. I have the mushroom soup ingredients on the counter. Nine years. Nine years since Jess died and every September 14th I go to the cemetery in the morning and I cook the soup and I hold it. This year I will go to the cemetery and teach my class and come home and study my course materials and make the soup. The grief and the life are not separate anymore. They were never separate, I just did not understand that yet. Everything I am now I am partly because she died when she did, and the soup on September 14th is not just for grief, it is for everything that came after the grief. It is for the whole life she missed and I am living.

The mushroom soup is already planned, already purchased, already inevitable—but September 14th has always been about more than one dish. This year, with the week running full from every direction, I wanted something alongside it that required me to slow down and pay attention, something that could not be rushed without collapsing. A soufflé asks you to be present. It asks for care and timing and a kind of faith that the thing you are tending will hold. That felt right for this day, for this year, for what Jess’s September has become in my life.

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 35 min | Total Time: 55 min | Servings: 4

Ingredients

2 cups fresh broccoli florets, finely chopped
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more for greasing
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup whole milk, warmed
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
4 large eggs, separated, at room temperature
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar

Instructions

Prepare the dish. Preheat oven to 375°F. Butter a 1.5-quart soufflé dish generously and dust lightly with flour. Set aside on a rimmed baking sheet.
Cook the broccoli. Steam or blanch the chopped broccoli for 3–4 minutes until just tender. Drain thoroughly and pat dry with paper towels to remove as much moisture as possible.
Make the béchamel base. Melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Whisk in flour and cook, stirring constantly, for 1–2 minutes. Gradually add the warm milk, whisking until the sauce is thick and smooth, about 3 minutes. Remove from heat.
Build the base. Stir the salt, pepper, nutmeg, and cheese into the béchamel until the cheese is fully melted. Add the egg yolks one at a time, stirring well after each addition. Fold in the cooked broccoli.
Whip the egg whites. In a clean, dry bowl, beat egg whites with cream of tartar on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form, 3–4 minutes. Do not overbeat.
Fold and fill. Gently fold one-third of the egg whites into the broccoli base to lighten it, then carefully fold in the remaining whites in two additions, preserving as much volume as possible. Pour into the prepared soufflé dish; the mixture should come to about 1 inch below the rim.
Bake immediately. Place in the oven and bake 30–35 minutes, until the soufflé is puffed and deep golden on top and has a slight wobble at the center. Do not open the oven door during baking. Serve at once.

Nutrition (per serving)

Broccoli Soufflé — The Side Dish That Holds Space for Everything at Once