By Memorial Day is Monday and Brandon's office is closed, so we did what every family in Utah County does on a three-day weekend: we went to Brandon's parents' neighborhood barbecue in Idaho Falls. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay home in my kitchen with the curtains half-drawn and the dishwasher running, which is my version of quiet, but Brandon asked and the kids needed out of this house and I needed to stop saying no to things just because yes requires more energy than I have.
The drive is four hours. Noah slept. Lily watched a movie on the iPad with headphones that kept falling out. Mason read a comic book. Olivia stared out the window and chewed her thumbnail, which she's been doing since January and which I keep meaning to mention to Dr. Kimball and keep forgetting, which probably means I'm not forgetting — I'm avoiding. Ethan sat in the front because he's eleven and has claimed the front seat as a right, and Brandon let him, and they talked about baseball in the way that fathers and sons talk about baseball: stats, predictions, companionable silence.
The barbecue was fine. Carol's neighbors are kind people who grilled hamburgers and set out bowls of potato salad and didn't mention Grace, which means Carol told them not to, which means Carol is still being careful, and I'm still grateful for the careful. I ate a burger. I ate potato salad. I sat in a lawn chair and watched my kids run through a sprinkler and thought: this is what normal looks like. I used to live here. I used to live inside normal without noticing it was a place.
I brought deviled eggs. Two dozen, because you don't show up to a barbecue empty-handed — Denise Cooper raised me better than that. My mother's recipe: mayo, mustard, a little pickle relish, paprika on top. I made them Saturday night after the kids were in bed, standing at the counter halving eggs, and the repetition of it — scoop, mix, pipe, sprinkle — settled something in me. Cooking is still the only thing that does that. Dr. Kimball says I'm using it to manage anxiety. I say I'm using it to make deviled eggs. We're both right.
On the drive home Sunday, the sun was setting behind us and the mountains ahead were turning pink and Noah was asleep again and Lily was asleep and Mason was asleep and Olivia was pretending to be asleep, and Brandon reached over and held my hand on the center console. I let him. We drove like that for an hour without talking. It was the closest I've felt to him since January. Close like proximity, not like intimacy — but proximity is a start. You have to be in the same room before you can be in the same conversation. We're working on the room.
I almost brought this salad instead of the deviled eggs — I’d been eyeing it for weeks, the way it sits in the fridge overnight and gets better, which felt right for a weekend where I needed things to require as little from me as possible on the day of. It’s the kind of dish that travels without drama, feeds a crowd without a fuss, and looks like you tried just enough. Next time there’s a neighborhood barbecue and I’m not sure I want to go but I’m going anyway, this is what I’m bringing.
Broccoli and Bacon Salad
Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 15 minutes (plus 1 hour chilling) | Servings: 8
Ingredients
- 6 cups fresh broccoli florets, cut into bite-sized pieces (about 2 medium heads)
- 8 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
- 1/2 cup red onion, finely diced
- 1/2 cup dried cranberries or raisins
- 1/2 cup sunflower seeds or sliced almonds
- 1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
- Dressing:
- 1 cup mayonnaise
- 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
- 3 tablespoons granulated sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
Instructions
- Cook the bacon. Fry or bake bacon until crisp. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate to drain, then crumble into pieces. Set aside.
- Prep the broccoli. Wash broccoli heads and cut into small, bite-sized florets. Pat dry thoroughly — excess moisture will thin the dressing.
- Make the dressing. In a small bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, apple cider vinegar, sugar, salt, and pepper until smooth and fully combined.
- Combine the salad. In a large mixing bowl, toss together the broccoli florets, crumbled bacon, red onion, dried cranberries, sunflower seeds, and shredded cheddar.
- Dress and chill. Pour the dressing over the salad and stir until everything is evenly coated. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour before serving to allow the flavors to meld.
- Serve. Give the salad a gentle stir before serving. It keeps well in the refrigerator for up to 2 days, making it an ideal make-ahead potluck dish.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 320 | Protein: 9g | Fat: 25g | Carbs: 16g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 420mg