Boursin Cheese Pasta

The conversation happened on Saturday. Karen had asked me to come out. She said, "Just you. Don't bring James." I did not bring James. I drove out at noon. I sat at the kitchen table. David made coffee. Karen sat across from me with Rosa's help and looked at me directly.

She said, "Stephanie. We've been talking to the neurologist. I have — I probably have five to ten good years, maybe more. My progression has been moderate. But I might get to a point, maybe seven, eight years from now, where I cannot care for myself. I want to talk about what happens then."

I listened. I did not interrupt. I had been coached by Dr. Yoon.

Karen said, "Your father and I have saved. We have enough for good care. We have a long-term care insurance policy we took out in 1998, thank God. We have been to a lawyer. We have our wills updated. We have advance directives. We have a power of attorney that names you and Kevin jointly, with you as primary." I said, "Okay." She said, "I do not want you to put your life on hold for me. I do not want you to quit your job and take care of me. I do not want you to move in. I want you to live your life. I want to go to a good facility when the time comes. I have picked one. It's in Bellevue. Fifteen minutes from here. You can see our tour notes. I want you and your father to agree on this."

I cried. Not messily. A slow set of tears. I said, "Mom." She said, "No. I am telling you. I am not asking. You will do this." I nodded. David was crying too. He said, "Kare, can I —" She said, "No. Let me finish." I loved her in that moment more than I had ever loved her. She said, "I want to see Stephanie get married. I want to meet Jisoo. I want to hold my grandchild if one comes. I want to eat a lot of pie. I want to keep having days like Port Townsend. I do not want to be taken care of by my daughter. I want to be her mother. Do you understand?" I said, "Yes, Mom." She said, "Good." She reached across the table. She took my hand. She said, "Now let's eat lunch. Rosa made tamales."

We ate tamales. We did not talk about the disease for the rest of the afternoon. Karen showed me photos of the facility she had toured. It was a nice place with a garden and a cat in the common room and private rooms with windows. I said it looked good. David said, "We have time. We don't need to pull the trigger now. We are just planning." I said, "I understand."

I drove home. I called James from the car. I told him everything. He said, "Your mother is one of the most remarkable women I have ever met." I said, "I know." He said, "You do not have to be strong for me tonight. Come home. I made dinner."

He made tuna casserole. Karen's tuna casserole. He had googled the recipe. He made it badly — a little dry, a little underseasoned — and he set it in front of me when I got home. He said, "I thought you might want this." I cried into the casserole. I ate two helpings. It was exactly what I needed.

The recipe this week is Karen's tuna casserole, or James's adequate approximation of it, made with love, set in front of the person you love when they come home carrying a large weight. Cream of mushroom soup. Egg noodles. Canned tuna. Peas. Crushed potato chips on top. Thirty minutes at 350. Eat with a fork. Cry if you need to. Let your fiancé kiss the top of your head while you eat.

James made Karen’s tuna casserole that night, and it was a little dry and a little underseasoned and it was exactly right. I have been thinking about that ever since — about what it means when someone reaches for a recipe not because they know how to make it, but because they know you need it. This Boursin Cheese Pasta is in that same spirit: creamy, fast, uncomplicated, the kind of thing you can pull together on a weeknight when someone you love walks through the door and needs something warm set in front of them without having to ask. It is not Karen’s casserole. But it is that same gesture, which is the whole point.

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 20 minutes | Total Time: 30 minutes | Servings: 4

Ingredients

12 oz rigatoni or penne pasta
1 package (5.2 oz) Boursin Garlic & Fine Herbs cheese
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
1/2 cup reserved pasta water
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
Salt to taste
Fresh basil or flat-leaf parsley, for serving

Instructions

Cook the pasta. Bring a large pot of generously salted water to a boil. Cook pasta according to package directions until al dente. Before draining, reserve 1/2 cup of pasta water. Drain and set pasta aside.
Sauté the garlic. In the same pot or a large skillet over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the minced garlic and cook, stirring frequently, for about 1 minute until fragrant but not browned.
Add the tomatoes. Add the cherry tomatoes to the pan and cook for 3—4 minutes, stirring occasionally, until they begin to soften and release their juices.
Melt in the Boursin. Reduce heat to low. Add the Boursin cheese and 1/4 cup of the reserved pasta water. Stir continuously until the cheese melts into a smooth, creamy sauce. Add more pasta water a splash at a time if needed to loosen the sauce.
Toss with pasta. Add the drained pasta to the pan and toss well to coat every piece in the sauce. Season with black pepper and salt to taste.
Finish and serve. Divide into bowls and top with grated Parmesan and fresh basil or parsley. Serve immediately, while warm.

Nutrition (per serving)

Boursin Cheese Pasta — The Warm Thing Someone Makes When You Come Home