Bok Choy Toss — The Side Dish That Held Space for Everything Mai Taught Me

May. Mother's Day. I drove to Mai's with chrysanthemums and a container of thit kho, as I do every year, because some traditions are traditions because they work. This year felt different, though. This year Mai had been back to Vietnam. This year she had stood on the street where she grew up and met the children of the sister she'd left behind. Mother's Day 2023 was not the same as Mother's Day 2022, and it never will be again.

Mai was sitting at her kitchen table when I arrived, drinking tea, looking at something on her phone. She's gotten better with the phone since the trip — Emma taught her how to use WeChat, and she's been messaging with Hanh, Thanh's daughter in Saigon. They send photos back and forth: Hanh's children, Mai's kitchen, the pho pot, the Alief house. The bridge that took forty-seven years to build is now maintained daily through a Chinese social media app. The twenty-first century is ridiculous and miraculous in equal parts.

Linh came by with her usual extravagant gift. This year it was a cashmere scarf, which Mai will wear once and then store in her closet with the jade bracelet and the three other cashmere scarves Linh has given her over the years. I gave Mai the chrysanthemums and the thit kho. She said, "The flowers are nice." She said, "The thit kho needs more coconut water." I said, "Happy Mother's Day to you too."

We sat at the table — Mai, Linh, and me — and Mai told us something she'd learned from Hanh. Huong — Mai's younger sister, the youngest of the three — also survived. She married, moved to Da Nang, and is still alive at seventy-eight. Mrs. Thi hadn't known this. Hanh found out through a cousin network. Huong is alive. Mai hasn't spoken to her sister in forty-eight years, and Huong is alive, and Mai sat at the kitchen table with her tea and said, "I need to call her." Linh and I looked at each other. We said nothing. What do you say? The world keeps giving back what you thought was lost.

Made a special Mother's Day pho — I used Mai's recipe exactly, no deviations, no Bobby additions. Her charred ginger, her onions, her star anise count, her timing. I wanted to make her pho, not mine, as a way of saying: everything I am in this kitchen started with you. She tasted it. She was quiet for a beat. Then she said, "This is right." Two words. A lifetime of teaching, confirmed.

After I made Mai’s pho — her recipe, her star anise count, her timing, not one Bobby addition — I still had bok choy on the counter and a need to keep my hands busy while she sat with the news about Huong. This toss is what I made alongside: fast, unshowy, built from the same pantry she’s always kept. Some dishes don’t try to be the main event. They just hold space, the way you do when someone you love says, “I need to call her,” and you let the silence mean everything.

Bok Choy Toss

Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 8 min | Total Time: 18 min | Servings: 4

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 lbs baby bok choy, halved lengthwise and rinsed
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon fresh ginger, grated
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce (or tamari for gluten-free)
• 1 tablespoon sesame oil
• 1 tablespoon rice vinegar
• 1 teaspoon honey or sugar
• 1 tablespoon neutral oil (such as avocado or canola)
• 2 teaspoons toasted sesame seeds
• 2 green onions, thinly sliced
• Pinch of red pepper flakes (optional)

Instructions

1. Make the sauce. In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, sesame oil, rice vinegar, and honey. Set aside.
2. Prep the bok choy. Pat the halved bok choy dry with a clean towel. Keeping pieces large preserves texture and prevents the greens from going limp in the pan.
3. Heat the pan. Warm the neutral oil in a large skillet or wok over medium-high heat until shimmering but not smoking.
4. Cook the aromatics. Add the garlic and ginger and stir constantly for about 30 seconds until fragrant. Do not let them brown or they will turn bitter.
5. Add the bok choy. Place the bok choy cut-side down in the pan. Cook undisturbed for 2 to 3 minutes until the cut sides are lightly golden. Flip and cook 1 to 2 minutes more until the leaves are just wilted but the stems still have some bite.
6. Toss with sauce. Pour the sauce over the bok choy and toss to coat evenly. Cook for 1 final minute, letting the sauce reduce slightly and cling to the leaves.
7. Finish and serve. Transfer to a serving platter. Scatter the toasted sesame seeds, green onions, and red pepper flakes over the top. Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 90 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 6g | Carbs: 7g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 480mg