Blueberry Pancakes

Jayden's first day of pre-K. My son. My youngest (for now, though I don't know that yet). My fire truck boy. Monday morning, August 19th, 2019. He wore his best jeans and a red shirt (fire truck red, his choice) and he walked into that school with the confidence of a person who has never once questioned whether he belongs somewhere. He belongs everywhere. That's his superpower. He walked in, found his cubby, put his backpack in it, turned around, and waved at me through the window. Big wave. Jayden wave. The same wave from the daycare graduation. The wave that says: I see you, I love you, watch me go.

I cried in the parking lot. Obviously. But it was a different cry than Chloe's first day — Chloe's first day I cried because I was losing time. Jayden's first day I cried because he was so READY. So completely, utterly, radiantly ready to be in the world without me standing next to him. He's four and a half and he doesn't need me in the building. He just needs me in the parking lot. He just needs to know I'm out here, waving back.

Both kids in school now. Both kids gone from 8 AM to 2:30 PM. The apartment is quiet in a way it hasn't been quiet since before Chloe was born. I stood in the kitchen after dropping them off and the silence was so loud it hurt. No Jayden banging trucks on the floor. No Chloe reading out loud to herself. Just me and the hum of the refrigerator and the drip of the kitchen faucet that I've been meaning to fix since January. The silence of a house where children used to be but currently aren't. It's temporary — they'll be back at 2:30 — but the silence is a preview. A preview of the apartment next month, when the kids are at school AND the toothbrush is gone AND the coconut shampoo is in Atlanta AND it's just me. Just Sarah. In the quiet.

Terrence is leaving in two weeks. Twelve days. He's packing his apartment now — boxes stacked in his living room, his studio equipment wrapped in blankets. He showed me a photo of the apartment he's renting in Decatur — two bedrooms, near Gloria, with a spare room that he said is "for when the kids visit." For when the kids visit. He's making space for my children in his new life, even as he's leaving mine. That's the thing about Terrence that breaks me and heals me at the same time: he doesn't leave clean. He leaves with threads attached. He leaves with a guest room and a plan and a wallet full of Jayden's cards.

I made breakfast for dinner — pancakes, scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, and fresh-squeezed orange juice (Jayden's orange mandate extending to beverages now). Breakfast for dinner is the comfort meal of every household with small children and tired mothers. It's the meal that says: the rules are suspended tonight. Dinner can be breakfast. School can be exciting. People can leave and still love you. Everything is negotiable except the pancakes. The pancakes are non-negotiable.

Jayden’s first day of pre-K called for the non-negotiables — and in our house, that means pancakes, full stop. I wanted something warm and a little celebratory without being fussy, something that said tonight we did something big without requiring me to hold myself together over a complicated stove. Blueberry pancakes have always been my version of that: simple enough to make while replaying a little boy’s wave in your head, special enough to feel like the night deserved it.

Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 20 min | Total Time: 30 min | Servings: 4 (about 12 pancakes)

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cups buttermilk
1 large egg
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries (if frozen, do not thaw)
Butter or neutral oil, for the griddle
Maple syrup, for serving

Instructions

Mix the dry ingredients. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt until evenly combined.
Mix the wet ingredients. In a separate medium bowl, whisk together the buttermilk, egg, melted butter, and vanilla extract until smooth.
Combine wet and dry. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir gently with a spatula until just combined — a few lumps are fine and expected. Do not overmix or the pancakes will turn out tough.
Fold in the blueberries. Gently fold the blueberries into the batter with 2–3 strokes so they’re distributed without getting crushed.
Heat the griddle. Warm a large nonstick skillet or griddle over medium heat. Add a small pat of butter or a drizzle of oil and swirl to coat the surface. The griddle is ready when a drop of water flicked onto it sizzles and evaporates immediately.
Cook the pancakes. Pour about 1/4 cup of batter per pancake onto the griddle, leaving space between each. Cook until bubbles form across the surface and the edges look set, about 2–3 minutes. Flip and cook the other side until golden brown, 1–2 minutes more. Adjust heat as needed between batches.
Keep warm and serve. Transfer finished pancakes to a plate in a 200°F oven to keep warm while you finish the remaining batter. Serve stacked with maple syrup and extra blueberries if desired.

Nutrition (per serving)

Blueberry Pancakes — The Ones That Are Non-Negotiable