By Mid-December and the Christmas preparations have begun. Not elaborate ones — this is the third year of recalibrating what Christmas means in a household that has contracted from two to one, and I think I've found the right scale. I put up a small tree, the one I've been cutting from the same spot on the property for fifteen years, a shapely balsam about five feet. I put the usual lights on it and a few specific ornaments: the ones with the children's photos, the handmade ones from the early years of our marriage, the ceramic ones Helen painted the first winter we were in this house. Those are the ones that matter.
I've been making Christmas cookies. Helen's recipe cards, Helen's tins, the same flavors in the same order she always made them: the sand tarts with the colored sugar, the Swedish pepparkakor, the molasses cookies that were my father's recipe and hers became too. This is not an act of preservation, exactly. It's more that these things are the year at Christmas and you do them because the alternative — not doing them — would require explaining why, and there's no good explanation.
Sarah and the family are coming for Christmas. Same arrangement as Thanksgiving: they'll drive up, stay several days, be careful about it. I've started thinking about the Christmas dinner: the leg of lamb that was actually our tradition — not turkey, not roast beef, but lamb, which Helen decided in the first year of our marriage and which became immutable. I reserved a leg from the Hendersons months ago, instinctively, before I even confirmed the visit.
The nights are very long now. I've been reading more than usual. Cooking, reading, the woodstove, the calls with Sarah. A good life in a small frame.
The molasses cookies and the pepparkakor have their place, and I’m not changing them. But this year I let myself add one more to the tin — these black-and-white cream cheese cookies with the dark brown sugar and the dark chocolate chips, which carry that same deep, slightly bitter warmth that makes you feel like it’s actually December. Helen would have approved. She was always open to one new thing per season, as long as the old ones stayed.
Black & White Cookies with Cream Cheese & Dark Chocolate
Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 12 min | Total Time: 32 min (plus 1 hr chilling) | Servings: 36 cookies
Ingredients
- 8 oz cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
- 1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 2 large eggs
- 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
- 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp fine salt
- 1 1/2 cups dark chocolate chips
- 1 cup white chocolate chips
Instructions
- Cream the base. Beat the softened cream cheese and butter together on medium speed until smooth and fully combined, about 2 minutes. Add the dark brown sugar and granulated sugar and beat until light and fluffy, 2–3 minutes more.
- Add wet ingredients. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla extract.
- Combine dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Gradually add the dry mixture to the wet mixture, stirring just until a soft dough comes together.
- Fold in the chips. Stir in the dark chocolate chips and white chocolate chips by hand, distributing them evenly through the dough.
- Chill the dough. Cover the bowl and refrigerate for at least 1 hour, or overnight. The dough will be sticky; chilling makes it manageable and deepens the flavor.
- Preheat and portion. Heat oven to 350°F. Line baking sheets with parchment. Drop rounded tablespoons of dough about 2 inches apart on the prepared sheets.
- Bake. Bake 10–12 minutes, until the edges are just set and the centers look barely done. Do not overbake — they firm as they cool. Let rest on the pan for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack.
- Cool completely. Allow to cool fully before storing. Layer in a tin between sheets of wax paper.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 148 | Protein: 2g | Fat: 8g | Carbs: 19g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 82mg