Better-For-You Banana Bread

Mrs. Hagerty died Wednesday at 4:17 AM. The daughter texted me at six. I was in the kitchen making coffee. I sat down on the floor against the cabinets and I cried for ten minutes. Then I made coffee. Then I called the clinic and told them I would be in. Grief does not get a sick day. It gets a coffee and a clinic.

The funeral is Saturday at St. Margaret's. I will be there. Liam asked if Mrs. Hagerty was in heaven now. I said the Hagertys think so. He said do you think so. I said I do not know. He said okay. He took a piece of toast off my plate. He went to school.

Group Tuesday. I told the room. They knew her secondhand from years of me delivering soup. Bernadette said Kate, you have been through a thousand of these now, between work and the soup. I said yes. She said how. I said I do not know. I said I keep showing up. The room nodded.

Henry said he was glad I was here. The room did not jump on it. We let it sit. Henry is shy about everything. That was a big sentence for him.

Wednesday Kettle. Seven quarts. Smaller because I was distracted. I will be back to ten next week. Mrs. Hagerty's quart sat on my counter overnight. I gave it to her daughter at the wake.

The funeral was Saturday morning. Liam came with me. He wore a small dark sweater. He sat in the pew next to me with his hands folded. He did not fidget. He is seven. He has been to two funerals already. The number is too high. I will keep taking him. He should know what we do for the dead.

Mrs. Hagerty's daughter held my hand at the cemetery. She said thank you. I said I am sorry. We hugged. Liam stood next to me. He took my hand on the walk back to the car. He said Mommy. I said yes. He said the soup was good for her. I said yes baby. It was.

Saturday pancakes after the funeral. Burned the first. The burned pancake plate has people on it now. It is not just Sean's plate. It is Sean's and Mrs. Hagerty's and Ms. Flaherty's son who pulled through and Henry's wife who I never met and Mrs. Halloran when her time comes and the pediatric pancreatic cancer kid I have nightmares about who is not even my patient. The plate is the plate. It holds them.

Sunday dinner at Ma's. I did not eat much.

Food of the week: nothing tasted like much. Soup at Ma's. I forced it down. The body needs.

The week Mrs. Hagerty died, I did not want to cook for myself. The soup happened because the soup always happens. But when Sunday came and Ma’s food tasted like nothing, I knew what the next week needed — something I could make with brown bananas and not have to think, something I could eat standing at the counter or wrap in a cloth and leave on someone’s step. Banana bread is what you bring when you do not know what else to bring. It is also what you make when you are the one who needs something and you do not know how to ask. This is the one I reach for when the week has been too much.

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 55 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour 5 minutes | Servings: 10 slices

Ingredients

3 very ripe bananas, mashed (about 1 1/2 cups)
2 large eggs
1/3 cup honey or pure maple syrup
1/3 cup plain Greek yogurt (full-fat or low-fat)
2 tablespoons melted coconut oil or unsalted butter
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon fine salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts or dark chocolate chips (optional)

Instructions

Preheat and prep. Heat oven to 350°F. Lightly grease a 9x5-inch loaf pan with cooking spray or a thin coat of butter.
Mix the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, mash the bananas until mostly smooth. Whisk in the eggs, honey, Greek yogurt, melted oil, and vanilla until well combined.
Combine the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together the whole wheat flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt.
Fold together. Add the dry ingredients to the wet and fold gently until just combined — a few streaks of flour are fine. Do not overmix. Fold in walnuts or chocolate chips if using.
Bake. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top. Bake for 55 to 60 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean or with just a few moist crumbs. If the top browns too quickly, tent loosely with foil after 40 minutes.
Cool. Let the bread cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely before slicing. It slices cleanest when fully cool.

Nutrition (per serving)

Better-For-You Banana Bread — The Week Nothing Tasted Like Much