New Year. 2017. I'm eighteen and a half, which is not a real milestone but feels like one — closer to nineteen, closer to twenty, closer to the person I'll eventually become, whoever that is.
New Year's Eve was quiet. Mom and Dad don't do parties — they've never been party people, and the older they get the less interested they are in staying up until midnight. We had appetizers for dinner, which is Mom's New Year's tradition: a spread of finger food that she makes throughout the day and lays out on the dining room table like a buffet. This year: spinach artichoke dip, cocktail meatballs in grape jelly and chili sauce (it sounds disgusting, it's incredible), pigs in a blanket, a cheese board (sharp cheddar, brie, crackers, grapes), and buffalo chicken dip that was so good I stood at the table eating it with a spoon until Mom said 'Rachel, use a chip like a civilized person.'
Megan left for D.C. on the 30th. The house feels bigger without her, even though she was only home for a week. It always feels bigger when someone leaves. That's the military kid in me — hyperaware of absence, because absence is the condition I grew up in. Dad was absent during deployments. Friends were absent after every move. The kitchen was the only thing that was always present, always occupied, always warm.
New Year's resolutions:
1. Pass all my classes (including whatever math-adjacent horror awaits me next semester)
2. Figure out what I actually want to do with a communications degree
3. Learn to cook at least five of Mom's recipes from memory, without calling her
4. Stop comparing myself to Megan
Number four is the hardest. It's not that I want Megan's life — I don't want D.C. or a consulting boyfriend or a color-coded planner. But I want the certainty. I want to know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it with the same conviction that Megan knows she wants business management and a career and a life that moves in a straight line.
My line is not straight. My line is the zigzag of a military kid who's been to seven schools and is now commuting to a university twenty minutes from her parents' house and eating buffalo chicken dip on New Year's Eve and calling it a party.
But maybe zigzag lines get somewhere too. Just slower. With more turns.
Dad and I stayed up until midnight together. Mom fell asleep on the couch at 11:30. We watched the ball drop and Dad said 'Happy New Year, kiddo' and we clinked glasses of sparkling cider (neither of us drinks much — me because I'm eighteen, him because alcohol and PTSD don't mix) and it was quiet and simple and exactly right.
2017. Let's see what you've got.
That quiet midnight — just Dad and me and two glasses of sparkling cider — deserved something a little more celebratory than the buffalo chicken dip from earlier in the night, and I found myself wanting to make something that felt grown-up and intentional, even if my life doesn’t always feel that way yet. Beef crostini with horseradish spread became my answer: fancy enough to feel like a real occasion, simple enough for an eighteen-year-old to pull off alone in her parents’ kitchen. Here’s how I made it.
Beef Crostini with Horseradish Spread
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 20 min | Total Time: 35 min | Servings: 8 (about 24 pieces)
Ingredients
- 1 French baguette, sliced into 1/2-inch rounds (about 24 slices)
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 lb beef tenderloin or top sirloin, trimmed
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1 tablespoon butter
- Horseradish Spread:
- 1/2 cup sour cream
- 3 tablespoons prepared horseradish, drained
- 1 tablespoon mayonnaise
- 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 tablespoon fresh chives, finely chopped (plus more for garnish)
- Optional toppings: thinly sliced red onion, capers, fresh arugula
Instructions
- Toast the crostini. Preheat oven to 400°F. Arrange baguette slices in a single layer on a baking sheet and brush both sides lightly with olive oil. Bake for 8–10 minutes, flipping once halfway, until golden and crisp. Set aside to cool.
- Make the horseradish spread. In a small bowl, whisk together sour cream, horseradish, mayonnaise, Dijon mustard, salt, and chives until smooth. Taste and adjust horseradish to your preference. Cover and refrigerate until ready to use.
- Season and sear the beef. Pat the beef dry with paper towels. Mix together salt, pepper, garlic powder, and smoked paprika, then rub evenly over all sides of the beef. Heat an oven-safe skillet over high heat and melt butter until foaming. Sear the beef for 2 minutes per side until a dark crust forms.
- Roast to finish. Transfer the skillet to the oven and roast for 8–12 minutes, until an instant-read thermometer reads 130°F for medium-rare. Remove and let rest on a cutting board for 10 minutes before slicing.
- Slice thin. Using a sharp knife, slice the beef as thinly as possible, against the grain, into bite-sized pieces suitable for topping crostini.
- Assemble. Spread a generous layer of horseradish spread onto each toasted crostini. Drape one or two slices of beef over the top. Finish with a pinch of fresh chives and any optional toppings. Arrange on a platter and serve immediately, or build to order at the table.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 210 | Protein: 14g | Fat: 10g | Carbs: 16g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 390mg
About the cook who shared this
Rachel Abernathy
Week 41 of Rachel’s 30-year story
· San Diego, California
Rachel is a twenty-eight-year-old Marine wife and mom of two who has moved five times in six years and learned to cook a Thanksgiving dinner with half her cookware still in boxes. She married young, survived postpartum depression, and feeds her family of four on a junior Marine's salary with a freezer full of pre-made meals and a crockpot that has never let her down. She writes for the military spouses who are cooking dinner alone in base housing and wondering if they're enough. You are.
