Banana and Blueberry Chocolate Chip Muffins -- The Baking That Brings You Back to Yourself

I drove to White Plains on Saturday. I drove there with a trunk full of food — brisket, challah, rugelach, chicken soup, and a container of the gazpacho that I have been making in industrial quantities — and I parked in David's driveway and they came outside and we stood in the driveway, masked, and the children ran around the yard and I watched them and I did not hold them, but I was closer. Closer than the porch. Closer than the video call. Close enough to hear Noah laugh, which is a sound I have been missing like a limb — a particular, high-pitched, delighted laugh that belongs to a one-year-old who has just discovered that running in circles is the most hilarious thing a body can do.

Sophie, who is four and perceptive in ways that four-year-olds should not yet be capable of, said, "Bubbe, why can't I hug you?" I said, "Because there's a bug going around and Bubbe needs to stay safe." She said, "When the bug is gone, I'm going to hug you for a hundred years." I said, "I'll hold you to that." I will. I will hold her to a hundred years of hugs, and I will be here for as many of them as God gives me, and if God gives me fewer than a hundred I will take what I get and be grateful, because a grandmother's gratitude is not contingent on quantity. It is a fixed state. It is permanent. It does not fluctuate.

Marvin stayed home with a neighbor — Janet, from three doors down, who has volunteered to sit with Marvin occasionally so I can leave the house. Janet is a retired nurse, vaccinated against everything (though not COVID, because the vaccine doesn't exist yet), and she watches television with Marvin and makes sure he eats the lunch I leave. The arrangement is imperfect — Marvin was confused when I returned, unsure who Janet was or where I had been — but the imperfection is the price of the outing, and the outing is the price of my sanity, and my sanity is not a luxury, it is a requirement, because a caregiver who loses her mind cannot care for a man who is losing his.

I made blueberry muffins when I got home — the blueberries are in season, fat and sweet, and the muffins are simple and quick and the baking is the decompression, the return to the routine, the body remembering what it knows how to do after a day of doing what it doesn't know how to do, which is stand six feet from her grandchildren and not touch them.

These are the muffins I made when I walked back through the door — still in my coat, practically — because I needed my hands to be doing something familiar after a day of doing the impossible. The blueberries were fat and dark and perfect, the bananas were spotted the way they need to be, and the whole thing came together in one bowl without asking anything of me I wasn’t capable of giving. That’s what a good muffin does. It meets you where you are.

Banana and Blueberry Chocolate Chip Muffins

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 22 min | Total Time: 37 min | Servings: 12 muffins

Ingredients

• 3 ripe bananas, mashed (about 1 1/4 cups)
• 1/3 cup unsalted butter, melted
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1 large egg, beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup fresh blueberries (or frozen, not thawed)
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Instructions

1. Preheat. Heat your oven to 375°F (190°C). Line a 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners or grease lightly.
2. Mash and mix the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, mash the ripe bananas until smooth. Stir in the melted butter, then add the sugar, beaten egg, and vanilla extract. Mix until well combined.
3. Add the leavening. Stir in the baking soda and salt, mixing evenly through the batter.
4. Fold in the flour. Add the flour and stir gently until just incorporated — a few streaks are fine. Do not overmix or the muffins will be tough.
5. Add the fruit and chips. Gently fold in the blueberries and chocolate chips, distributing them evenly without crushing the berries.
6. Fill and bake. Divide the batter evenly among the 12 muffin cups, filling each about 3/4 full. Bake for 20–22 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean and the tops are lightly golden.
7. Cool. Let muffins rest in the tin for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack. Best eaten warm, but they keep well at room temperature for 2 days or frozen for up to 1 month.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 218 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 8g | Carbs: 35g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 145mg