Baked Savory Cream Cheese Herb Donuts

Last week of April. The grass needed mowing — Eduardo did it Saturday — and I did the gardens for the first time in two years. I had let them go. I weeded for three hours. I came inside with dirt under my fingernails for the first time since Mami's diagnosis. I felt better. The body knows.

I planted herbs. Cilantro, recao, parsley, oregano. I do not really need to grow them — the bodegas have all of these — but I wanted to grow them. I wanted to put my hands in soil. I bought small starter pots from the nursery on Asylum and dug holes and patted the soil down around the roots. The recao did not survive the week. The recao never survives in Hartford. The cilantro is doing fine. The oregano is doing aggressively well. The parsley is uncertain. We will see.

Tuesday food bank: carne guisada and arroz blanco. The line was the regular line plus three new faces. Brian whispered to me at the counter, "Carmen, those three are from a new shelter that opened on Park." I said, "Brian, more food." I had made forty servings. I extended to fifty by adding a can of black beans I had in the back and an extra pound of rice. The math worked. Everyone ate.

Wednesday Eduardo had a bad day at work. He came home angry. He had been micromanaged by a young manager who did not understand that Eduardo Ortiz had been working at Aetna for thirty-three years and did not need to be told how to format a spreadsheet. Eduardo never complains about work. He complained about work. He drank a beer and complained for forty minutes. I let him. I made him pork chops with onions and rice. He ate. He felt better. He said, "Carmen, thank you for letting me complain." I said, "Eduardo, you have complained twice in thirty-eight years. You are owed." He laughed.

Thursday Mami was bad. Carmen the aide called me at noon. She said Mami had not eaten anything that morning and was not responding to her name. I drove over. Mami was in her chair. Eyes open. Not focused. I sat with her. I talked to her. I held her hand. I sang her a song she used to sing to me — a children's song from Bayamón — and she made a small sound. I sang it again. She squeezed my hand. By 2 PM she was responsive. She said, "Carmen." I said, "Mami." She said, "I am here." I said, "Mami, I know." She said, "For now." I said, "For now is enough." She fell asleep. I sat with her until 5. Carmen the aide sent me home. Wepa.

I planted cilantro and oregano and parsley with my own hands this week, and by Friday I needed to use them — to close the loop, to honor the reason I grew them in the first place. Eduardo had his bad night, Mami had her hard afternoon, and I had been feeding other people’s hunger all week at the food bank; these baked savory donuts were what I made for us, just us, something small and herb-bright and a little unexpected, because we deserved something that felt like a gift rather than a duty. The oregano is doing aggressively well. I used a lot of it.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 18 min | Total Time: 33 min | Servings: 12 donuts

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
4 oz cream cheese, softened
2 large eggs
1/2 cup whole milk
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro, finely chopped
2 tablespoons fresh parsley, finely chopped
1 tablespoon fresh oregano, finely chopped (or 1 teaspoon dried)
1/3 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
Cooking spray for the pan

Instructions

Preheat and prep. Heat your oven to 375°F. Grease a standard 12-well donut pan generously with cooking spray and set aside.
Mix the dry ingredients. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, black pepper, and garlic powder until evenly combined.
Beat the cream cheese base. In a separate bowl, beat the softened cream cheese until smooth and lump-free. Add the eggs one at a time, beating after each addition. Stir in the milk and melted butter until the mixture is uniform.
Combine wet and dry. Pour the cream cheese mixture into the dry ingredients and stir gently until just combined — do not overmix. Fold in the cilantro, parsley, oregano, and Parmesan.
Fill the pan. Spoon or pipe the batter into the prepared donut wells, filling each about 3/4 full. Smooth the tops lightly with a damp fingertip.
Bake. Bake for 16–18 minutes, until the donuts are set, lightly golden on top, and a toothpick inserted into the thickest part comes out clean.
Cool and serve. Let cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature. These are good plain, better with a little butter, and best eaten at the kitchen table with someone you love.

Nutrition (per serving)

Baked Savory Cream Cheese Herb Donuts — What the Hands Remember When the Heart Is Heavy