Apple Pear Salad -- Both Mothers, Both Kitchens

I told them on Saturday. I drove out at noon. David met me at the door. Karen was in the kitchen making iced tea. I said I had something to tell them and we should sit down. They sat. I sat. I said, "I found my birth mother."

There was a long pause. Long in the way pauses only get long when you are in them. David said, "Oh, Steph." Karen said nothing. Karen got up and went to the bathroom. David reached across the table and took my hand. He said, "That's wonderful. Truly. When did this happen?" I told him. He listened. He asked questions — her name, her age, where she lived, whether she had other children, whether she had written back, whether she had said yes. I answered every question. His face did what David's face does when he is taking in a lot: it got very still. He said, "We've always known this could happen. Your mother has always known." Karen came back from the bathroom with red eyes but steady hands. She sat down. She took my other hand. Both of my parents were holding my hands across the kitchen table where I ate cereal for eighteen years.

Karen said, "I'm so glad for you, Stephanie." Her voice was controlled. Her eyes were wet. I said, "Mom." She said, "No. Let me say this. I'm so glad. I've prayed for this for you. I was afraid to tell you how much I prayed for it because I didn't want you to feel like you had to do it for me. But I've been praying." I was crying. I said, "Mom." She said, "She gave you to us. And now you've found her. The story is complete." She said, "I hope she knows what a wonderful person you are." I moved around the table and I hugged my mother and she held me for a long time and I felt her shaking hands through my shirt and I thought: this is what love is. This is what love has always been. I thought my birth mother gave me away and my adoptive mother is giving me back to her, right now, with this hug. Both mothers, alive at once, in my spine. Both mothers, in my body.

David made burgers on the grill. Karen made her apple pie. We ate at the patio table. I called James at 6 PM and he drove out. I called Kevin at 7 PM and told him. Kevin was quiet for a long moment and then said, "Steph. I'm so happy for you. I'm — I'm so happy for you." His voice cracked. He said he would come up next weekend. He said he loved me. I said I loved him too. We hung up and I went back to the patio and sat with David and Karen and James and we talked about baseball and the tomato plants and the weather, about nothing important, which was the most important thing. The charge in the air was gone. The charge had been defused by the telling. The telling was the thing.

I drove home with James that night. I fell asleep with my head against the passenger window. He drove slowly. He did not wake me.

Dr. Yoon on Tuesday — she said I had done something remarkable. She said, "You gave them the news in a way that let them be themselves. That takes grace." I said, "I have had a lot of practice." She said, "Yes. You have." We both laughed. It was the first laughter in her office in a month.

The recipe this week is Karen's apple pie. Her crust recipe is Crisco and flour and salt and ice water. Her filling is Granny Smith apples, sugar, cinnamon, a little flour to thicken. She has made this pie every major holiday of my life. This Saturday she made it because she needed her hands to do something. I ate two slices. I will make this pie someday in my own kitchen. I will teach Hana to make it. Both mothers. Both kitchens. Both pies.

Karen’s pie is hers to make, and someday I’ll get there — but this week, standing in my own kitchen with apples on the counter and that conversation still living in my chest, I needed something I could finish in fifteen minutes with steady hands. This Apple Pear Salad is crisp and sweet and a little sharp, which felt right. It has apples in it. That felt right too.

Apple Pear Salad

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 0 min | Total Time: 15 min | Servings: 4

Ingredients

• 5 oz baby arugula or mixed spring greens
• 1 large Granny Smith apple, cored and thinly sliced
• 1 large ripe Bartlett or Bosc pear, cored and thinly sliced
• 1/3 cup candied walnuts or pecans
• 1/3 cup dried cranberries
• 3 oz crumbled gorgonzola or blue cheese
• 2 tablespoons thinly sliced red onion
• For the dressing:
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 1/2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper

Instructions

1. Make the dressing. In a small bowl or jar, whisk together the olive oil, apple cider vinegar, honey, Dijon mustard, salt, and pepper until fully emulsified. Taste and adjust seasoning. Set aside.
2. Slice the fruit. Core the apple and pear and slice each into thin half-moons, about 1/4-inch thick. To prevent browning, toss the slices lightly with a few drops of lemon juice if you’re not serving immediately.
3. Build the salad. Spread the greens across a wide serving platter or large bowl. Arrange the apple and pear slices over the greens. Scatter the candied nuts, dried cranberries, and red onion evenly over the top.
4. Add the cheese. Crumble the gorgonzola over everything. If you prefer a milder flavor, feta or shaved Parmesan work beautifully here as well.
5. Dress and serve. Drizzle the dressing over the salad just before serving. Toss gently at the table, or leave it undressed and let guests serve themselves. Best eaten fresh.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 285 | Protein: 5g | Fat: 17g | Carbs: 31g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 310mg