Spring is coming. I can feel it in the air through the kitchen window, in the way the light lingers a few minutes longer each evening, in the green shoots pushing through the dead garden. Marvin's tomato plants will not be planted this year. He does not remember the garden. The garden will be mine this summer, if I have the energy, which I may not, because the energy required to plant tomatoes is energy borrowed from caregiving, and the caregiving does not accept loans.
I made hamantaschen for Purim. The same four flavors. The same labor-intensive process. Marvin sat at the kitchen table and watched me make them, and I talked to him while I worked — told him about Purim, about Esther, about the ears of Haman, about Sylvia making these same cookies in the Grand Concourse kitchen while Irving read the newspaper and pretended not to eat the dough. Marvin listened. Or seemed to listen. His face had the expression it often has now — attentive but unfocused, like a man watching a movie in a language he almost understands. The almost is the cruelest part. Almost understanding. Almost recognizing. Almost being the man he was.
I sent hamantaschen to David and the children — mailed them, properly packaged, because the pandemic still makes hand delivery complicated. Ethan called to thank me. He said, "Bubbe, the chocolate ones are the best." This is David's preference, inherited genetically or through exposure, and the inheritance delights me because it is evidence of the chain operating at the level of taste buds, which is the most honest level. You cannot fake a taste preference. Ethan likes chocolate hamantaschen because David likes chocolate hamantaschen because Ruth makes them the way Sylvia made them, and the chocolate is the thread that connects four generations, thin and sweet and unbreakable.
I wrote about Purim on the blog — about defiance, about joy in the face of destruction, about making cookies shaped like the ears of a man who tried to destroy us and eating them with milk and saying: we are still here. The readers responded. A woman named Barbara from Los Angeles wrote: "Every year I make hamantaschen and think about my grandmother. This year I'm making yours and thinking about you." I printed the email. I put it in the drawer. The drawer is full of love now. The drawer is overflowing. I may need another drawer.
The hamantaschen I made this Purim — especially the chocolate ones, the ones Ethan called the best, the ones David always reaches for first — reminded me that chocolate is its own kind of language, one that does not require memory or recognition to be understood. When I am not making hamantaschen, this is the recipe I turn to: almond butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, chewy and honest and full of the same spirit. They require the same focused, meditative kind of work that gets me through the hard days — measuring, stirring, the kitchen filling with warmth — and they go beautifully with a glass of milk and the knowledge that we are still here.
Almond Butter Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 12 min | Total Time: 27 min | Servings: 24 cookies
Ingredients
- 1 cup creamy almond butter
- 1 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
- 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1 large egg
- 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
- 1/2 tsp baking soda
- 1/4 tsp fine salt
- 3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Instructions
- Preheat. Heat your oven to 350°F (175°C) and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
- Mix the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, stir together the almond butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar, egg, and vanilla extract until smooth and fully combined.
- Add the dry ingredients. Stir in the rolled oats, baking soda, and salt until a thick, uniform dough forms.
- Fold in the chocolate. Gently fold in the chocolate chips, distributing them evenly throughout the dough.
- Portion the cookies. Using a tablespoon or small cookie scoop, drop rounded mounds of dough about 2 inches apart on the prepared baking sheets. Gently press each one down slightly with your palm.
- Bake. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, until the edges are set and the centers look just barely done — they will firm up as they cool. Do not overbake.
- Cool. Let the cookies rest on the baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack. They are fragile when warm and perfect when cool.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 148 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 8g | Carbs: 17g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 78mg