Peter did not call. I called him. He picked up on the third try. He sounded thin — the way he has sounded for months now, the way Pappa used to sound. I told him about the meatballs I was making. He said he wished he was here. I said come for Christmas. He said he would try. I did not push. I did not lecture. I said I loved him. I hung up the phone and I stood at the kitchen sink for a long minute looking at the lake.
Sophie texted a photo of Mira eating cereal. Mira's face was covered in milk. The photo was lit from the side by morning light and the smile in it was uninhibited and full and I could not stop looking at it. I printed the photo. I taped it to the fridge. I have a system on the fridge now: a column for each grandchild, a column for each great-grandchild, photos rotated weekly. The fridge is the gallery. The gallery is the proof.
Peter called from Chicago. He sounded thinner than last week. He said work was fine. I do not believe him. He said his apartment was fine. I do not believe him either. He asked about the dog. He asked about the lake. He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. I told him about the bread I was baking. He said he could almost smell it through the phone. We hung up. I stood at the sink for a long minute. I did not know what else to do.
I cooked Beef and barley soup this week. Beef shank simmered for three hours, the meat shredded back in, barley added in the last forty minutes. Carrots, celery, onion, mushrooms. The soup that warms a long table.
Damiano Thursday. A teenage boy came in alone. He was hungry. He did not want to make eye contact. I served him soup. I did not make small talk. He ate two bowls. He left. The not-asking was the gift. The not-asking is sometimes the right form of attention. The teenagers know.
The kitchen is the reliquary. I have used this word in the blog before. I am using it again because it is the right word. A reliquary is the container that holds the bones of the saints. The kitchen holds the bones of my saints — Pappa, Lars, Mamma, Paul, Erik, the first Sven, the second Sven. The bones are not literal bones. The bones are the marble slab and the bread pans and the glasses on the shelf and the wooden spoon worn smooth by Mamma's hand. The kitchen holds them. The kitchen is what holds them.
It is enough. It has to be. And on a morning like this, with the lake doing what the lake does and the dog at my feet and the bread on the counter and the kitchen warm enough to live in, it is.
Sven (whichever Sven I am living with at the moment) has the daily distinction of being the most consistent presence in my life. He follows me from kitchen to porch to bedroom. He sleeps within ten feet of me at all times. He notices when I am sad and he comes to put his head on my knee and the head is heavy and warm and the heaviness is the comfort. The dog is not a person. The dog is the only creature in the house, however, and the dog does the work that another person would do if there were one. The dog is enough.
It is enough.
The soup was already written into the week — three hours of simmering, the shredded meat folded back in, the barley swelling slow in the broth — but it is this chuck roast that lives beside it in my kitchen, the cut I return to when I need something that requires patience and rewards it. I make the marinade the night before, the way Mamma made it, and by the time it goes over the fire the house already smells like a decision I do not regret. It is the meat that holds a long table. On a week when Peter sounded thin and the teenager came in hungry and said nothing, a long table was what I needed to believe in.
Marinated Barbecued Chuck Roast
Prep Time: 20 min (plus overnight marinating) | Cook Time: 1 hr 45 min | Total Time: 2 hrs 5 min + marinating | Servings: 8
Ingredients
- 1 boneless beef chuck roast (3 to 3-1/2 lbs)
- 1/3 cup soy sauce
- 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
- 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
- 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
- 1 tablespoon tomato paste
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 teaspoon onion powder
- 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
- 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika
Instructions
- Make the marinade. Whisk together soy sauce, red wine vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, vegetable oil, tomato paste, garlic powder, onion powder, dry mustard, black pepper, and smoked paprika in a bowl until fully combined.
- Marinate the roast. Place the chuck roast in a large zip-top bag or shallow dish. Pour the marinade over the meat, turning to coat all sides. Seal and refrigerate for at least 8 hours, or overnight, turning once if you think of it.
- Bring to room temperature. Remove the roast from the refrigerator 30 minutes before cooking. Reserve the marinade and transfer it to a small saucepan.
- Simmer the basting sauce. Bring the reserved marinade to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Set aside for basting.
- Prepare the grill. Heat a gas or charcoal grill to medium heat (about 325°F to 350°F). If using charcoal, arrange coals for indirect cooking.
- Grill the roast. Place the chuck roast over indirect heat. Cover and cook for 1 hour 30 minutes to 1 hour 45 minutes, basting with the cooked marinade every 20 to 25 minutes, until the internal temperature reaches 145°F for medium or 160°F for well done.
- Rest and slice. Remove the roast from the grill and tent loosely with foil. Let rest for 10 to 15 minutes before slicing across the grain. Serve with any remaining basting sauce on the side.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 310 | Protein: 36g | Fat: 17g | Carbs: 3g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 620mg
Linda Johansson
Duluth, Minnesota
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