Homemade Pickling Spice

Last radiation session was Thursday. We did not celebrate. Sean was tired. He walked in. He walked out. Dr. Kalb said "good work, Sean." Sean said "thank you." We drove home. He slept. I made broth.

Dr. Mehta called Friday afternoon. The neurosurgery team had done a planning meeting. She said the next scan was in four weeks. She said if the second-line chemo-radiation protocol was working, the scan would show stability or shrinkage. She said if it was not working, we would need to talk about the next conversation, and she used the words "palliative pathway" softly. She said that was not the conversation for today. She said it was on the map for later if we needed it. I understood her. I thanked her. I told Sean. He said "okay, Kate." He said "we get through the four weeks. We see the scan." I said "yes."

I made a strong beef broth this week — a double-strength one, with extra bones and a very long simmer. I had been reading about protein density in broths. I wanted something that would load calories and minerals into as small a volume as possible. Sean drinks a mug of it three times a day now. It is how he is getting most of his calories. The new chemo has reduced his appetite to almost nothing. The broth is a lifeline.

I have started keeping a food log for him. Not a medical chart — a list in the brown notebook. What he ate. How much. What time. What stayed down. What did not. The log is for me, to track the pattern, to anticipate the days he will be lower or higher. I am watching for the steady descent or the plateau. I have seen both in patients. I do not yet know which one we have.

Liam asked Tuesday night if he could sleep in our bed. Not sleep-over. Sleep. Full night. I said yes. He climbed into bed between me and Sean. Sean was asleep already. Liam curled up against Sean's side. He fell asleep in four minutes. He slept through the night. I did not sleep hard, but Liam did, and Sean slept, and I have those two to protect. My insomnia will take care of itself for now. Wednesday night Liam asked again. I said yes. I set up a camping pad on our bedroom floor with a sleeping bag. He preferred that — in the room but not in the bed. He has been sleeping on the camping pad all week. He has not woken up. He wakes up in the morning, rolls up his sleeping bag (he is very organized, he is four and a half), and goes to the kitchen for breakfast. I have not asked him when he will want to go back to his room. When he wants to, he will.

Nora is sleeping in her own bed. She has always preferred her own bed. She is unbothered. She is three. She is playing. She is saying "Daddy is sick" to her sheep. The sheep takes it well.

The broth I have been making for Sean this week is not a simple one — it is a long, slow simmer with extra bones, and the thing that gives it its depth is this pickling spice blend that I mix up in a small jar and keep on the counter. I started making my own years ago because I wanted to control what went in, and now I could not imagine the broth without it. If you are making something strong and nourishing for someone who needs every calorie to count, this is the blend you want in the pot.

Prep Time: 5 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 5 minutes | Servings: 24 (makes about 1/2 cup; serving size 1 teaspoon)

Ingredients

2 tablespoons yellow mustard seeds
2 tablespoons black peppercorns
1 tablespoon coriander seeds
1 tablespoon dill seeds
1 tablespoon allspice berries
1 teaspoon whole cloves
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
4 dried bay leaves, crumbled
2 cinnamon sticks, broken into small pieces
1 teaspoon ground ginger

Instructions

Combine. Add all ingredients — mustard seeds, peppercorns, coriander, dill seeds, allspice, cloves, red pepper flakes, crumbled bay leaves, cinnamon pieces, and ground ginger — to a small bowl. Stir until evenly mixed.
Store. Transfer to a clean glass jar with a tight-fitting lid. Store at room temperature away from heat and direct light for up to 6 months.
Use in broth. For a strong beef bone broth, add 1 to 2 tablespoons of spice blend to the pot at the start of the simmer, either loose or tied in a square of cheesecloth for easy removal. Simmer low and slow for 8 to 12 hours for maximum depth and mineral content.
Use in pickling. For pickling vegetables, add 1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons per pint jar before sealing, or steep 2 tablespoons in your brine while heating and strain before pouring.

Nutrition (per serving)

Homemade Pickling Spice — The Blend I Keep by the Stove for Every Pot of Bone Broth