By April. My birthday approaches — sixty-seven on the twelfth — and with it the annual recalibration of what the number means. Sixty-seven is: two years retired, one year of Cedarhurst visits, five chapters of a book, 365+ daily visits, four grandchildren growing at a rate that defies my ability to keep track. Sixty-seven is the age Sylvia was when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which is a comparison I do not make publicly but which I carry privately, the awareness of my mother's age at her diagnosis mapping onto my own age, the overlay of her timeline on mine producing a low-frequency anxiety that I manage by cooking and writing and visiting and not thinking about it, because not-thinking is its own kind of thinking, and the not-thinking is how I survive the comparison.
David is planning a birthday dinner. Rebecca is coming. Miriam will call. The grandchildren will come. The house will be full and loud and mine. I will make my own dinner — brisket, obviously — and I will blow out candles and I will not make a wish because I stopped making wishes when Marvin moved to Cedarhurst, not because wishing is futile but because the things I wish for — his recovery, his return, one more conversation — are beyond the jurisdiction of birthday candles. The candles are for lighting. The blowing is for ceremony. The wish is mine to keep or not keep. I keep the love. I keep the food. I keep the chain. The wish is unnecessary.
The brisket is the anchor of the meal — it always is — but a birthday table wants something to put the candles in, and I have learned not to underestimate the power of ceremony. A chocolate angel food cake is my answer: light enough after a full dinner, serious enough to honor the occasion, and airy in a way that feels right for a number like sixty-seven, which asks you to carry weight without showing all of it. I make it myself, the same way I make everything myself now, because the making is the point.
Contest-Winning Chocolate Angel Food Cake
Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 40 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour | Servings: 12
Ingredients
- 1 cup cake flour
- 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar, divided
- 12 large egg whites, at room temperature (about 1 1/2 cups)
- 1 1/2 teaspoons cream of tartar
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
- Powdered sugar or whipped cream, for serving (optional)
Instructions
- Preheat and prepare. Heat oven to 325°F. Do not grease your tube pan — the batter needs to cling to the sides to rise properly.
- Sift dry ingredients. Sift together the cake flour, cocoa powder, and 3/4 cup of the sugar into a medium bowl. Sift again a second time to ensure the cocoa is fully incorporated and lump-free.
- Beat egg whites. In a large, very clean bowl, beat egg whites with cream of tartar and salt on medium speed until foamy and opaque, about 2 minutes.
- Build the meringue. Increase speed to medium-high and gradually add the remaining 3/4 cup sugar, one tablespoon at a time, beating continuously. Continue until stiff, glossy peaks form, about 6–8 minutes. Beat in vanilla.
- Fold in flour mixture. Sift the cocoa-flour mixture over the egg whites in three additions, folding gently after each with a large rubber spatula. Use broad, sweeping strokes from the bottom up to preserve the volume — do not stir.
- Fill the pan. Spoon batter into an ungreased 10-inch tube pan and smooth the top. Run a thin knife through the batter in a circle to release any large air pockets.
- Bake. Bake for 38–42 minutes, until the top springs back when lightly touched and a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean.
- Cool inverted. Immediately invert the pan onto its legs or over the neck of a bottle. Let the cake cool completely upside down, at least 1 hour. This prevents collapse.
- Unmold and serve. Run a thin knife around the inner and outer edges to release. Invert onto a serving plate. Dust with powdered sugar or serve with lightly sweetened whipped cream.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 155 | Protein: 5g | Fat: 0g | Carbs: 33g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 105mg