Brown Sugar Cutout Cookies -- The Ones We Make for Torres

Torres. The memorial was last month but the grief echoes. This week the echoes were louder because the Marine Corps sent Torres's personal effects to his family, and Torres's mother called Ryan to say thank you for being her son's best friend. Ryan took the call in the bedroom. I heard his voice through the door — low, steady, the briefing voice he uses when he's holding it together by sheer willpower. When he came out, his eyes were red. 'She said Torres talked about me in every letter home.' 'Of course he did. You were his brother.' 'She asked if I'd come to Ohio for the headstone dedication. In June.' 'Then we'll go to Ohio in June.' We'll go. Because that's what you do. You show up. You stand at a headstone. You bring cookies because Torres loved cookies and his mother should know that someone still makes them for him. The counselor is helping Ryan process what the military calls 'survivor's guilt' — the guilt of being alive when your friend is not. I know this guilt secondhand through Dad. The Kandahar guilt. The 'why them and not me' guilt that has no answer because the universe doesn't give answers, it gives pot roast. Caleb asked about Torres again. 'Is Daddy's friend still in heaven?' 'Yes, baby.' 'Does heaven have cookies?' 'I'm sure it does.' The theology of a four-year-old: heaven has cookies. I choose to believe this. Made browned-butter chocolate chip cookies tonight. Torres's cookies. Ryan ate three and put four in a Ziploc bag. 'For Torres's mom,' he said. 'For Ohio.' The cookies travel. The love travels. The grief travels too, but it gets lighter with every mile.

Torres loved cookies — Ryan said so more than once, and now it’s one of those small facts I hold onto like a thread. When I thought about what to bring to Ohio for the headstone dedication, it had to be something made by hand, something that traveled, something that could sit on a table next to flowers and mean as much. Brown sugar cutout cookies felt right: simple, golden, the kind of thing a mother would recognize as love. I made them plain, no frosting, because some things don’t need decoration — they just need to be there.

Brown Sugar Cutout Cookies

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 10 min | Total Time: 30 min (plus 1 hr chill) | Servings: 36 cookies

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups packed dark brown sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons whole milk

Instructions

1. Whisk dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Set aside.
2. Cream butter and sugar. In a large bowl, beat the softened butter and brown sugar together with a hand or stand mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
3. Add eggs and vanilla. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then mix in the vanilla extract and milk until fully combined.
4. Combine. Reduce mixer speed to low and gradually add the flour mixture, mixing just until a soft dough forms. Do not overmix.
5. Chill the dough. Divide the dough in half, flatten each portion into a disk, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least 1 hour (or overnight).
6. Preheat oven. When ready to bake, preheat the oven to 350°F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
7. Roll and cut. On a lightly floured surface, roll one disk of dough to about 1/4-inch thickness. Cut into shapes with cookie cutters of your choice. Transfer to prepared baking sheets, spacing 1 inch apart.
8. Bake. Bake for 9–11 minutes, until the edges are just set and the tops look dry. The cookies will firm up as they cool — do not overbake.
9. Cool. Let cookies rest on the baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. Decorate with icing if desired, or leave plain.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 118 | Protein: 1g | Fat: 6g | Carbs: 16g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 68mg