Apple Bread — The Kitchen Warm Enough to Live In

The lake was doing what the lake does this week: changing color hourly, sometimes by the minute, the way grief does. Iron gray at dawn. Steel blue by ten. Almost green by noon when the sun broke through. Pewter again by four. Black by six. I walked the lakefront with Sven on Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday and Saturday, and the lake was different every time, and the lake was the same every time, and both things are how it works. Jakob (Anna's middle, recently graduated) has a job. He hates the job. He is figuring it out. He called me Tuesday for advice. I told him: that is what your twenties are for. The first job is supposed to be unsatisfying. The first job teaches you what you do not want. He said, "Grandma, that is not super helpful." I said, "It is the truth. Helpful is not always the same as comforting." He laughed. He hung up. He kept the job for now. He will figure it out. Lena (Anna's youngest, college freshman) is in college now. She calls me sometimes. The calls are about boys, mostly. I listen. I do not give advice. I am eighteen-year-old's grandmother. My credibility on boys is suspect at best. I tell her the kinds of things a grandmother is supposed to tell her: be careful, be brave, trust your gut, do not date the one who reminds you of someone you do not like. She thinks I am wise. I am, in fact, just old. The two get confused sometimes in the right direction. I cooked Tater tot hotdish this week. Ground beef and onion browned in the cast iron, drained, mixed with cream of mushroom soup (yes, the can; Mamma uses the can; the can is acceptable), green beans, salt, pepper, a pour of milk to loosen. Spread in the casserole dish. Tater tots arranged in concentric rings on top. Forty minutes at 350. The smell is unmistakable. The smell is Minnesota. Thursday at Damiano. I brought a tray of pepparkakor — the second batch from the Christmas freezer, brought back to crispness in a low oven. They were eaten in fifteen minutes. The cookies are not the soup. The cookies are the extra. The extra is the message: you are worth the effort of cookies. Most of the world does not give the people who come to Damiano the message that they are worth the effort of cookies. The cookies are doing political work. I dreamed about Paul last night. The dream was specific: we were at the lake, in the canoe, fishing for trout. He was teaching me the right way to cast (he was always trying to teach me; I never quite got the rhythm; I caught fish anyway, by accident, with embarrassing regularity). In the dream he was patient and present and entirely himself. I woke up at 4 AM. I made coffee. I sat in the kitchen. The dream was a visit. I have learned to receive the visits without reaching for them. They come when they come. It is enough. It has to be. And on a morning like this, with the lake doing what the lake does and the dog at my feet and the bread on the counter and the kitchen warm enough to live in, it is. It is enough.

The hotdish had done its work by Thursday, and by Friday the kitchen wanted something sweet — not celebratory sweet, just warm-and-honest sweet, the kind that fills a house without making any demands. Apple bread is what I make when I want the oven on and my hands occupied and the smell to carry from the kitchen all the way to the front door. This is that loaf.

Apple Bread

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 55 min | Total Time: 1 hr 10 min | Servings: 10 slices

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups peeled, cored, and finely diced apple (about 2 medium apples)
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (optional)

Instructions

1. Heat the oven. Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a 9x5-inch loaf pan and set aside.
2. Mix the dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg.
3. Mix the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, beat the eggs with both sugars until combined. Stir in the oil and vanilla extract.
4. Combine. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and stir until just combined — do not overmix. The batter will be thick.
5. Fold in the apples. Gently fold in the diced apples and nuts, if using, until evenly distributed.
6. Bake. Spread the batter into the prepared loaf pan. Bake for 50–60 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean and the top is deep golden brown.
7. Cool. Let the loaf cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack. Slice when fully cool, or close enough — a warm slice with butter is not a mistake.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 215 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 9g | Carbs: 30g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 195mg